The Hollifields 

Named after one of the most extraordinary human beings of the 20th century (although he will make absolutely no difference in the 21st century), the Hollifields at one time were a lush valley of fertile soil and generous water table containing a 24-mile lake.  As in most well-meaning societies, the pollution in the lake reached that sensitive threshold wherein "SAVE OUR LAKE" bumper stickers began appearing.  At least they were supposed to say SAVE OUR LAKE.  What was thought to be an insignificant typo ("Surely the wise people of Sango Jingo will know what is meant," said the printer), the bumper stickers by the thousands instead pleaded, "PAVE OUR LAKE."
And the rest, as the masons and concrete wholesalers say, is history.

As a conciliatory gesture toward the outraged environmentalists, the city planners  there use the natural resources of the above-mentioned fertile soil and generous water table to grow the landscaping around their extensive freeway system which connects the over 112,000 malls that the region is famous for.

In fact, there are 2.3 malls for every citizen that lives in the area, making it necessary for most to hold down two or more sales-clerk jobs at different stores.  Many who punch in at this store or another own another store just down the Fernpike.  Security is no problem as most are at work in another store anyway.  If you take Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, and multiply it by 1023, you've got the Hollifields

--the difference being that the Hollifields aren't horrible.

Known as "The Strip," Ray Way, the fastest off ramp in the world, exits off the Fernpike and then sports a secondary exit for every mall which in turn sports a tertiary exit ramp for every parking place.  Thus the turnpike that exits onto Ray Way resembles a large fern in its pattern, thus...the Fernpike.  Parking is hazardous at best, for each parking space begins with a "Speed Zone Ahead" sign ahead, followed by a STOP sign at the end of the spot.  The smell of rubber is exhilirating!

The Malls of the Hollifields are for the most part specialty stores.  Sure, there are stores for manateee hoods, but there are, too, stores for harder to find items like oleoreptiles, pearly ovules, bulbous actuators, ectodermal reticula, and hairy globellas (Brooke Shields owns 2!).  A legend of the Dead Nixon Mall is a typical representation of the fare for sale in The Hollifields.

As you might expect from a region made up of primarily shopping malls, the only pets allowed are Chia Pets.  Some entrepreneuristic individuals have tried laying a plaster bed over real pets, upon which they spread Chia seeds to bring more personality to their little companions, but these people were quickly forced to "Start Over" at the Peninsula Rediculara.  Since Porches are the only cars allowed on the entire island of Sango Jingo, this brings up a most interesting philosophical speculation:

Question:  What do you call a people for whom both Porches and Chia Pets are significant items in their lives?
Answer:  Oxymoronically-challenged intellectual, self-indulgent, pseudo-pubescent thrill-seekers of a banal ilk.
 
In the Hollifields, there are 112,000 malls; 1,300,252 specialty stores; 483,000 water fountains; 320,000 Ladies' Rooms, but only 14 Mens' Rooms; 403,882 eateries that serve some type of taco crap; 9300 elevators that go up, but only 2400 which go down; 96,435 jewelry stores that knock off a third; 240,343 Chia Pet stores; 87,390 Chia Pet Cemeteries (the only grass seen in all the Hollifields); 48 Missing Chia Pet reporting stations; 2 Missing Children reporting stations; 3 stores not having some sort of sale; 4,200 Mens' Nap rooms (wake up calls are extra); and over 147,000 flagellation spas and discipline boutiques.
 

    The consortium of Hollifields Merchants, Inc., now offers all of its products and services on-line via Scamway.

Back to Map
Back to Sango Jingo
Back to Dilingo Homepage