2. The number of dead Beatles there are, and divide this number by...

3. The number of rings on two of the Beatles' right hands, and multiply this by...

4. Some whole number between here and Middle C.

5. When you have your answer, call Rod Stewart collect (his number is the series of prime numbers in order from 3 to the answer you obtained in #1 through #4).  When he answers, say the following:
  "You little no-talent pansy--you only wish you had as much melodic sense as these guys."   At this point, Rod will call his agent, who will call his financial advisor, who will call Rush Limbaugh a big fat idiot.  Al Franken will sue, and the judge, who's on the Ensley® Foundation payroll, will award you damages.  Take them and run.  Thank you.