Of course, one would want to stay away from FM stations that cater to "classic rock," for the frequency modulation of the radio waves, combined with the analog resonance of some particular songs, have tended to cause some unfortunate persons to undergo spontaneous combustion. When receiving hemeEnsleyTM, all legal exclusions and "hold harmless" clauses apply.
2. Industrial Lubricant
Although one would consider it aesthetically uncomfortable to accept as an expensive blood substitute a cheap lubricant for heavy machinery, nevertheless it sure beats paying top dollar for the petroleum-based products. Other industries have benefited from this lubricant besides the oil industry, with benefits ranging from Wall Street to the red light district.
3. Digital Transference
Warmed to 37 degrees C., Ensley® organizes into serial chains that contain alternating enantiomers of opposite charge. This allows chemical mirror images of almost any covalently bonding molecules to be carried along, hence creating an organic computer of 0's and 1's. Varying the temperature will speed the process. Yes, one day we'll have a good laugh when we muse,
Unfortunately again, the only thing "limiting" the amount of customers is that ol' spontaneous combustion problem again, since Ultima Online gameplayers have heated up their graphics cards to take advantage of the increased speeds. The warmer the machine, the faster the processor, until--BOOM!--even the most experienced Onliner has to log out to that big registered domain in the sky.
4. Breast Implants
Ensley® responds to sexual stimulation in ways that cannot be described without descriptions of an unsavory nature. Those interested are invited to go to PamelaLee.com, and use the undocumented secret feature hidden in the source code under <Metamorph= "Tab A into Slot B, Scratch n' Sniff, function: 4 Tommy-cycles per Tammy-second />, then press the Nudge-Nudge-Wink-Wink button twice, reboot, ignore ScanDisk, and get ready to be really amazed!
5. A cure for hiccoughs
No one knows why. But it does the job by inserting in absolutely any orifice.
6. Flywheels
When used as an alloy in heavy flywheels, vibrations go way down, which is paradoxical with use number 4, until you realize that size matters to a great extent.
7. Digital Watches, LCD Screens, Polarized Billboards
With the different electrical currents, Ensley® will be alternatingly opaque or transparent, with a whole spectrum of colors and shades in between. This tends to make really neat creature comforts like thin laptop screens and cool sunglasses, but it also could be used to make bombers invisible within the visible spectrum. But since the government still has about 30 years of amortization yet to pay on Stealth technology, it is currently paying the Ensley Foundation not to sell to other countries (mainly Islamic). Meanwhile, as you read this, there may be a member of the House Committee on Un-American Activities in the room with you, with an Ensley® cloak set at about 200 Watts. Spitting in several directions will ultimately fell such an intruder by creating a short that will not only render him visible, but also a cinder.
8. Other Uses
There are
other very top-secret uses that can't be described here, but it's been
rumored that several involve time-space, event horizons, and God
(http://www.god.com). We don't know what's in them, but the classified
documents have already each received an imprimatur.
Pretty scary.
(Ensley®
--the only chemical that carries a plenary indulgence.)