The Dead Nixon Com-Plex
www.Com.plex.com

The Dead Nixon Com-Plex is a multilevel, multiscreen, multiple multiplex of multiple marvelous MaxiMegaMuthaTheatres.  It replaced the Hollifields Simplex (H. Simplex) in 1979.

Admission:

Adults: $7.50
Child:   $4.50
Senior: $22.50 (We find we get less complaints form patrons of our NC-17 movies being offensive if we discourage Seniors.)
Hare Krishnas: 943.75
Thieves: FREE (What can you do, right?)

Now Showing

Cinema-megaRama 1

Moby Dick II--This time it's personal.
     Capt. Ahab's son, finding out that he's the product of a sperm donor, decides to take it out on a sperm whale. It's man vs. water mammal in this classic colorized version of the mostly white whale. 
    Garner Ted Armstrong, Jr., Bob Tilton, Shecky Green, Jr., Sammy Davis, Sr.

Cinema-megaRama 2

Florence of Arabia
     Florence de Boeuf tells the French Foreign legion where to get off when sexually harrassed in this desert come-uppance anti-misogynistic correctness adventure. There's love in the sand and a pearl three weeks later for her troubles. Yet she rises to overcome. 
    Florence Henderson, Andrew "Dice" Clay, Manly Bannister, and Furufu'u Jersophilus as "Pepe."

Cinema-megaRama 3

Fellini's 2001--A Space Odyssey
     Frederico is at his surrealistic yet smarmy best in this remake done, ironically, a year before the actual time sequence of the movie. Fellini uses this to great advantage in his clever use of anachronism, but unfortunately, this makes the ending a bit hard to understand. 
"Just what do you think you're doing, Davido?"
    Topo Gigio as HAL, O.J. Simpson as Dr. Floyd, Elizabeth Tarylor as the monolith.

Cinema-megaRama 4

Easy Rider--The Whole Story!
     Find out what really happened to provoke those misunderstood rednecks to shoot (allegedly) those two bikers. You'll come away wondering just who deserved what in this eye-opening expose that turns upside down the original narrow-minded version--and it's about damn time! 
   Bridget Fonda, Ted Turner, Arthur Fonzarelli.

Cinema-megaRama 5 

The Bill Gates Story
     The only movie that'll pay YOU to watch it. 3 1/2 hours of code put into IMAX--still boring, boring, boring. Patrons who can last will each receive $49.95 in upgrade credit in 6 to 8 weeks. 
   Bobcat Goldthwait as Bill, Chris Rock as Steve Jobs, and Prodigy as AOL.

Cinema-megaRama 6

The Attack of the 50-Foot Private Parts
     Howard Stern stars in this Xx1023-rated thriller about sex organs gone horribly wrong after an industrial accident involving a cyclotron. Carl Sagan wanted this movie to be on that record on Pioneer 11, but of course he's dead now.
    Howard Stern as the big dick.

Cinema-megaRama 7 

The Company that Ate the World
     The movie that The Bill Gates Story tries to refute!  A large software corporation begins buying ancillary, supplemental program companies to enhance and solidify its hold on most of the computer screens of the world.  Competition that won't be sold falls victim to dumping into the market free rival programs.  Profits are reinvested into every genre of the media. Politicians are supported and government intervention falls apart.  Finally, with monopolistic control over the GUI desktop, audio and video streaming, office suites, networking, browsing, and cable and communications, banks are bought and eliminated only to rise from the dead as paperless cyberbanking.   Cybercredit is issued, and geopolitical monetary notes of countries remain only to define monetary credit on the World InterBank.  A hundred satellites in geosynchronous orbit link everyone to everyone and everyone to the corporation.  Of course, "You have mail," because EVERYONE has mail.  And you better read it if you know what's good for you!  Based on a book whose last four words were, "He loved Big Brother."  Could happen.
     Mr. Rogers as "Phil Bates."  Ronald McDonald as the Federal Prosecutor.

Cinema-megaRama 8 

The Circumcist
     There's a problem in this quiet Georgetown neighborhood.  Some say it's too much of a problem and needs to be cut down.  Others say all should let the problem be.  Corruption at the highest levels of the American Academy of Pediatrics leads to insidious outcomes for those at risk.  Only one man could help...the Circumcist.  Based on a true story, don't see this movie if you're squeamish. 
     Dr. Jack Kevorkian as...The Circumcist.  Unfortunately, John Wayne Bobbitt's masterful performance ends up on the cutting room floor.
 
 
Alternating with The Circumcist...

Charlie's Bitches
     Tonya Harding, Lorena Bobbit, and Hillary Rodham kick underworld ass in this hard-hitting violent tale based on a true story.  (Not to give it away, but a whole lot of people die in the end.)
     Chyna as Lorena, K. D. Lang as Hillary, and Tonya as herself.  Featuring a digitized vocal rendering of Liberace as the voice of Charlie.
 
 
Cinema-megaRama 9 

Mr. Tourette Goes to Washington

     The ubiquitious Mr. Tourette tries his hand at the asshole big screen at last, with a remake of a  Jimmy Goddamn Stewart classic.  His last TV venture, "Mr. Tourette's Neighborhood," had so much piss dialogue cut that many children began shit communicating with bleeps, necessitating a eat-it national speech therapy crisis.  The Class Action suit is expected to bullshit settle soon.
     But in this new ass rendition of the hummer! old cinematic masterpiece, he finally is able to say the suckin' mouthful that the NC-17 rating so proudly allows.  Not for the kids.
     Don Knots as Mr. Tourette.  Susan Lucci as Monica Lewinski.
Cinema-megaRama 10 

Whore Wars

    A long, dong, time ago, in a bar far, far away...

EPISODE IV--A New Coming
    Luke Skystroker bumbles "single handedly" into the adventure of his life when he finds a cute little 'rrhoid that plays a message from a beautiful princess, Lay'er.  Hands Mofo, the space-faring cap'n of the Chlamydium Falcon, flies Luke and O.D.Nam Nairobi, the DeadEye Night, to join the rebellion, consisting of a rag-bag band of safe-sex enthusiasts.  David Prowse as the evil helmet-head, Trojan Hater.
     David Spade as Luke Skystroker.  Tony Orlando as Hands Mofo.  Mr. T as ODNam Nairobi.  Chelsea Clinton as Lay'er.  Look for action figures in boxes of Marlboro.
 
Cinema-megaRama 11 

The King and Them

   The enchanted kingdom of Siam is the quaint setting for this horrifying tale of insidious alien invasion.  Anna, an English schoolmarm, is hired to teach, unbeknownst to the King, the Children of the Damned.  Whle the King etcetters his way through his helpless confusion, unspeakable acts befall Anna and the strangely obedient people of Siam.
   Mr. T as the King, Sandy Duncan as Anna
 

Alternating with The King and Them...

Hurricane!

    A disaster story to end all disaster stories.  The largest, most powerful hurricane in recorded meteorolgical history, Hurricane Jesus,  slams into Sango Jingo with all of the power of a second coming!  Follow this Category "6" storm as it teaches all of the wicked characters a lesson they won't soon forget--if they survive!
   Bobcat Goldthwait as Rev. Jesse Jackson, Sam Kinnison as Rev. Billy Graham, Michael Jackson as the Rev. Michael Jackson, the late Lucille Ball as "the dead woman," Jimmy Carter as the diplomatic weatherman, Hanson as "the dead singers," Hal 9000 as Super Doppler 6000, Mr. Bill as the Mayor, and The Unknown Comic as the pilot of the "Hurricane Chaser."

Cinema-megaRama 12

Bernie's Big Adventure

   This first outing for Bernie, Barney's evil twin, is a music-fest for the whole family.  Nothing says it better than the well-known Bernie Theme Song:

(Song to "Yankee Doodle")

Bernie is a dinosaur
From your worst imagination
Better watch out he's a carnivore
You'll give 'im constipation.

Bernie likes to show us things
On his own VCR
He knows the guy who gives us drinks
At his own favorite bar

Chorus:
Bernie served in Viet Nam
And used his share of drugs
Dirty needles are his friends
Watch out for his hugs.
Bernie eats up all our pets
He's quite the funny guy
He's 'bout as horny as you can get
He makes the good kids cry.

Chorus (Repeat)

     Charles Manson as Bernie, Jim Jones as the Ice Cream Man.  Also, the Branch Davidian Chorus and the American Autopsy Orchestra

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