Old DiLingo News!

Sango Jingo Wins Gold!

    Leave it to the Aussies to make the Summer 2000 Olympics particularly noteworthy.  The newest event, Syncronized Mixed Hot Tub Swimming, attracted many nations.  The final round, between our patriotic athletes from Sango Jingo and the Swedish Bikini Team, was an event as enthralling as any nude event could have been.  It's also the first time a streaker failed to disrupt a televised event by dashing past the cameras, the patronage only to strain necks to see past this unimportant protest.

    Micka Michelobotomy, the team captain for Sango Jingo, unfortunatley suffered a life-threatening sphincteric injury when an errant jacuzzi jet forced a hot stream of water where the sun don't shine.  Undaunted, he nevertheless continued in his routine, matched perfectly by his partner, Sleeza Baccheeza, who herself found said errant jet, but was quite pleased in doing so.  One man's poison...

    The only ugly moment came when two members of the Swedish Bikini Team, formerly qualifiers for the Swedish Fellatio Team as well, insisted the tub be drained after Michelobotomy's injury, claiming their were fecoliths bobbing around on the surface.  The judges were not amused and took off points for over-scrupulousness.

    The S.J. team took the gold and stood proud as the Sango Jingo karaoke national anthem played.



 


DiLingo IPO Offering a "Speedy Gonzalez"

   The DiLingo.com IPO offering was a rags-to-riches-to-rags story.  The initial enthusiasm for D~L~ngo going IPO sent the value of the stock from $24/share to over 900/share.  Unfortunately, the final number was in pesos, significantly souring the celebratory atmosphere which initially punctuated the rally.  Mexicans were set for life, but the US citizenry stormed off in outrage, vowing to never eat tacos again.  (Their loss.)

 

Scholarship Contest a Bust


    The scholarship offered for the best pictures from this year's spring break, unfortunately had to be  withdrawn when all pictures were removed from the competition.  It was expressly stated that no illicit acts involving invertebrates would be considered.  And all of those people joined at the hip?  Could there really be that many Siamese twins going on Spring Break, or is that the way all Spring Breakers look?  In any event, maybe next year.
    On a lighter note, those people who made it to Cancun a day early, blowing off that Sociology final (yea, right, like Sociology's really a science, anyway!), well...your grades should have been in by now.  How'd you guys do?

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